Send your Pain Pills Here...
In December 2003, right before I was scheduled to go to Amarillo, I fell down the stairs in my home. Now that I think back on the entire situation, I'm not sure that I fell and didn't throw myself down the stairs in a lame attempt to end it all. I wasn't happy with my current living arrangements and thought this might be my way out of it...please take note that this form of thinking was heavily due to the amount of Jagermeister consumed that night. I was drunk and depressed...going to a place I'd never been to before with someone that I barely knew and damn sure didn't know how he felt about me. (To this day, I don't know how he actually felt about me. Now that it's over, all I feel is used and abused. Thanks, Mr. G) Living with an ex and his wife was very difficult for me. Since I'd only heard his side of their story I didn't know what to make of the whole situation...how can you get so far into prescription drugs that you lose custody of your children? Why was I so kind-hearted that I let them into my home knowing what I did about the both of them and what a volatile situation I had put myself into? Why couldn't I tell him and his wife to get lost and get out of my life? Why can't I be a cold-hearted bitch when it came to "him"? Why do men (it seems to me) line up to treat me like a piece of shit and leave me feeling sick inside and wondering what the fuck is so wrong with me that I can't be loved? I'd tried time and time again to be mean to him...to be cold-hearted to him...to tune him out and put him out of my world with no luck. He always came back around when he knew I'd cooled off and would love him again and of course, I always did. At least he went to his grave knowing that I still loved him and always will...Now here I am wishing for prescription drugs because of the injuries which I inflicted on myself by throwing myself down the stairs. The doctor doesn't seem to feel that I need pain medication for the compressed discs in my neck, the pain in my shoulder and my arm and to sleep. I haven't slept soundly in days and days...Does the doctor seriously think that I'm only there for drugs? Why do I cry when I'm in physical therapy if it doesn't hurt me? Do I seriously look like a druggie? I'm in pain...more pain than anyone I know will ever realize...
My horoscope...I think I know what this means!
You may be hit with some extreme circumstances that cause you to feel uneasy about continuing on the path you are on. Use this jolt as a reminder that nothing is set in stone, and that there is always an element of the unexpected that can creep up on you. Deep down, however, you probably had a feeling that this difficult situation was bound to happen sooner or later.
Get your free weekly forecast on MSN Video!
I skated last night...
I can't believe it!!! I actually had the nerve to put my skates back on my feet and try to skate again and I didn't fall down. ~woohoo~ I've had too many knee surgeries to risk falling down but I did it anyway and don't regret it. I know I'm out of shape and this is the way that I plan on changing the way I look and feel about myself. I've been down in the dumps since late July and nothing seems to motivate me and maybe this will do the trick (since changing my hair color didn't work)...hopefully a change of scenery and a change of faces will do me some good. I met up with my old friend John and Sister K joined us. We had decided that no one would show up on a Tuesday night to skate but we had four others join us and one guy on a skateboard joined us also. Although we only skated for a couple of hours, my inner thighs are sore today and my right knee, well actually my shin, hurts a little bit. Some of the pains could be from me favoring one knee over the other and the fact that my right skate kept trying to fall apart. When you've got no tools with you, it really sucks having to stop every few blocks to make sure the plate isn't separating from the boot...I'm no roller girl, but in my heyday I'd give 'em a run for their money...http://www.houstonrollerderby.com/
My Horoscope for today
People are apt to be quite emotional when it comes to the image they wish to project today so be careful where you step. It is your job to see through the trendy makeup and fashion that hides the true personalities of the people who insist on wearing these masks. The key is to not be fooled by those who are hiding behind a facade that is built more by society than by them.~I've been having a hard time trying to decipher my horoscope lately. All this means to me is that I know a bunch of phonies...~
My weekly horoscope...which I cannot decipher
Your social life certainly seems to be on a roll right now, with three planets in Capricorn. It is time to get involved in a few networking exercises and to meet new contacts and associates. Venus is retrograde, so it might be hard to get any decent business out of anybody for a week or so yet. But this doesn't stop you from sowing the seeds and making your face known in all the right places. You are willing to work longer and harder than you have in some time, but you don't want to stress yourself out either. You do need to set yourself limits and boundaries that give you a chance to regenerate your batteries and get some rest. Friday is not the best day to hold any meetings as you won't get the results you expect - try another time. The Full Moon in Cancer on Saturday may bring up feelings associated with a new romance or date. Don't do anything you might regret, as your tendency could be to overreact, or perhaps to misinterpret the signals that come your way. Sunday may bring someone very interesting your way - you will have plenty to discuss - enjoy the process of getting to appreciate each other's thought processes.
(I've no idea about any "new romance or date"...I'm too disinterested to care. I hate everyone. Thanks...you know who you are!)
Sun Sign: Pisces
Rising Sign: Virgo
Chinese Sign: Rat
Life Path Number: 9
