It Seems Someone is Angry with Me...again?

Cousin B is pissed because...hmmm...I'm not really sure of the reason but I think it was the email I sent to him questioning his sanity. Why in the hell did he invite Joe Schmoe to go to the Mardi Gras in Galveston with us unless he is completely out of his mind? Why would he ask such a whiny guy to go with us? Doesn't he remember this whiny bitch boy at the beach last year? He should know from experience that not everyone can hang with the "big dogs". Does he not remember the time that Gina went out with Sister K and I and she puked in the floor at the bar and I had to drag her big ass out of the place? Then she puked on the doorknob so I wiped the puke on her clothes and made her ride home in the back of the truck...she's not "big dog" material. From the time we got there, Joe Schmoe whined like a baby..."it's too cold." Did the stupid fuck not watch the weather channel before going to the beach in February? Maybe Cousin B is mad because we went to another bar after the Mardi Gras. If he didn't have selective hearing, he would've known in advance our plans. He chose to be pissed because of an email and has yet to have the guts to reply to me (do I know a bunch of cowardly men or what?).

Day 34...I think

So today is day number 34 of no drinking of alcoholic beverages and I feel fine. I was beginning to think I was an alcoholic since it seems that I cannot socially drink...I can only drink to get drunk off my ass and that's an alcoholic. Right? By socially, I mean that I cannot go out and have a few beers or drinks. It's like I'm on a mission and my mission is to get drunk. I guess I just got tired of being drunk. Well, those days are over...at least for the time being. I'm still having a little problem with my herniated discs (3) but the steroid shot that I had on the 14th has relieved some of the pain. I'm scheduled to have another one on the 28th and have to be there @ 8:30 AM. The last one was scheduled so early in the AM I don't think I slept much the night before...5 AM is early when you're used to getting up @ 6:45 every day, day in, day out and dealing with the pain on top of everything. If I don't wake up from anesthesia, you'll know why. This maybe one of my last posts...

And Now Baby H...

Daughter H was on the phone when I got home from work yesterday. Seems she and her so-called boyfriend have broken up and he was whining on the phone to her. I, being the nosey fucker I am, asked what happened. Seems she's caught him lying to her and he was on the phone telling her he'd ate poison because she dumped him. How I only wish some of my exes would eat poison or better yet, fall off of the planet and never to be seen or heard from again!!! The only thing this jaded woman could say was "What do you expect? He's a man and they all lie. As soon as you accept the fact that they're all a pack of liars and/or cheaters and to expect nothing from them except for lies, cheating, and deceit, you'll be a much better person. If you expect nothing from them, you're not disappointed when they give you nothing except shit." Daughter H has learned from her jaded mama. I also heard her tell him that if he has shortness of breath, his nose is bleeding and if he's puking blood that he needs to go to the hospital because she's not going to help him. ha This sounds like history is repeating itself because I know I've said some very evil things to men before. Like the time I got a call from Mr. W and he told me that he hated my guts and wished I was dead. All I could say was "The feelings are mutual. Why did you call?" All I heard was a click on the phone when he hung up on me. Two days later, he was dead and for sometime after that, I blamed myself. I could only be so lucky as to have that strong of a will that I could "wish" death on someone. The path of my life would be scattered with the dead bodies of those I'd wished it upon.
I can only hope that it's the real deal that she's broken up with him. I didn't particularly like the fact that he won't come over to the house when I'm home because he's scared of me. I've never spoken 3 words to him...don't know why he'd be scared. Maybe intimidated by my "go to hell" looks but by nothing I've ever said to him before. I also didn't like the fact that he has a mouthful of gold. It looks ridiculous and makes me think he's got a mouthful of rotten teeth. Daughter H swears that his teeth are ok that this is a fashion statement. ha I'm glad I'm old and out of style...

It's all fuct now...

I haven't been feeling very good lately and it's all my fault. It all started in Dec. 2003 or maybe it was 2004 (head injuries make your forgetful) when I fell down the stairs and it has finally escalated to the point of me having to go to the Dr. Seems I've got 3 herniated discs (1 is ruptured...what's the difference?) in my neck and a pinched nerve effecting my right arm. I've no strength at all in my right arm and it's painful...like an aching pain rather than a throbbing pain (don't tell anyone...they might try to kick my ass since I'm now handicapped) and have been having a helluva time driving since I've got a standard transmission truck. Yesterday on Valentine's Day, I decided it was the day for me to make an appointment to have a injection of steroids in my neck. Since I've got no Valentine due to that lying, deceitful and cheating bastard species called men, it made no difference to me what day I had it done. I knew it had to be immediately before I made a series of bad choices again...like using my credit card to buy a gun. Pain has a way of making me make bad choices...be it physical pain or pain in my stone cold blackened heart. Well let me tell you, I was asleep and woke up from having the injection before I knew it. I didn't have a clue that I had been unconscious. I always liked the part of anesthesia where they told you to count backwards from 10 and all I ever got to was 8 or 9 but that didn't happen. Seems I was asleep and then awakened before I realized it. The nurse brought me warm blankets and I was completely confused about what they were for. Was I cold and didn't know it? What had just happened to me for the need of warm blankets? I must say that I went out on Friday night and suffered severely for it on Saturday but Sunday and Monday, I had felt better than I had in several weeks. Now it's Thursday and I'm feeling like hell again. My arm and shoulder are killing me from the pinched nerve and to top it off, I think my sister is an idiot. She doesn't seem to understand that after a sleepless night and a painful day why I'm mean and crabby to people. I can't help it and wind up apologizing for it time and time again. She knows me a lot better than most and why she would think I could possibly be nice to anyone is beyond me. Have I ever been a nice person? I don't think so and don't know why she would think so either. I'm not a "sugar & spice and everything nice" kinda girl. Why would things change now? I've been known as a crazy bitch most of my life so why would she think I could become nice all of the sudden? I'm in a lot of pain and I either have to become a pillhead or deal with it. My friends have died from pills so that's the main reason for my decision not to take as many as I'm supposed to and deal with the pain as best as I can but I cannot do that and be a "nice" person. I think she forgets that I've lost many close friends to drugs and fails to see that everytime that I take a pill, I think about the friends I've lost. Sister K was upset at the fact that I called her friend names. I told her that her friend, Rachel Allstate, didn't know her ass from a hole in the ground because she's on the rodeo committee and when you ask her anything about it, she doesn't know a thing. WTF? Then Sister K says "I guess you're back to normal..." Back to normal from what? From being a bitch to "being" a bitch? I don't understand what she means and I've tried to explain to her that I'm in pain and am easily irritated but she's a moron I guess. I've ate 2 oxycodone pills AT WORK today since I'm in so much pain but I'm also tired from lack of sleep. Lack of sleep is something she cannot possibly understand because it's a fact that she could sleep 12 hours out of the day if given the opportunity. I guess that is all for now...maybe this post should've been made on the rambling and babbling page...duh.

Daily Horoscope

Feb 01
Don't wait for a personal invitation to speak your mind. No one is apt to come right out and ask you what you think. Express yourself fully. Tell people exactly what your brain has to say. You have given other people plenty of time for them to say their thing. It is now time for you to chime in with your opinion. Don't be a background observer. Be an active player and help shape the conversation and ultimately the events of the day with your powerful words and thoughts.

Note: The way I'm feeling right now, no one would WANT to hear what I've got to say. They'd think I was a serial killer or escaped mental patient or worse.